Ever since Allie was born I’ve struggled with a few thoughts that have been hard for me to shake off. They pop into my head and make me crazy. One of the thoughts is more than just a thought but an awful image I can’t get out of my head. And that thought/image is Allie getting hurt.
I’ll be having a perfectly good day and all of a sudden an image of Allie falling off the changing table, or someone dropping her will appear in my mind. And guess what? It makes me crazy! I want to cry and put her in a little bubble so she’ll never get hurt. I think wanting to protect your newborn is normal for most new moms, but letting it take over your life and make you crazy is not healthy.
For as long as I can remember I’ve struggled with obsessive thoughts. I remember being a young girl and not being able to sleep because I couldn’t stop thinking about my Mom getting hurt or dying. I didn’t know how to deal with it when I was young, but now that I’m older I have a few strategies that help me cope and move on.
Another thing I obsess about is the house being clean. When the house is a mess and there’s clutter around, WATCH OUT! You don’t want to be around me, just ask my husband. Clutter makes me feel like I’m suffocating and causes me major anxiety.
The reason I’m blogging about this today is because their might be other people out there that deal with this and I want to share what helps me.
The number one thing that helps me fight the obsessive thoughts is gratitude. As soon as I realize the obsessive thoughts are taking over I stop, take a deep breath, and think about all that I am grateful for. Thinking about my gratitude list helps shift my focus and helps me appreciate my current situation.
When I’m worried about Allie I remind myself that I went through IVF and how grateful I am to have a baby. If I’m feeling stressed about the house being a little messy I will think about all the people that don’t have houses. Or when my husband leaves his shoes around the house I list all of the things that I love about my husband. Doing this always helps me clear my head and feel better.
Do you suffer from obsessive thoughts?
What are you grateful for today?
About Sara
Thanks for such an honest post, Sara. You’re right that I think a lot of us can relate on some level, and I definitely get the extreme version of these thoughts. I’ve had them forever too, and it sucks.
I think the fact that you had to go through so much just to have Allie probably amplifies it. I know it’s not the same as a baby, but I totally get that feeling about T sometimes. He had to travel like a month after we started dating, and I remember being so anxious about him flying. It took 33 years for me to even find him and so much hard stuff for us to end up together that I was just waiting for the bottom to fall out, you know? But you’re exactly right that feeling grateful is a good answer to these thoughts. Let’s just keep reminding ourselves how lucky we are 🙂
Aww that’s so sweet you feel that way about T. I don’t think we spend enough time thinking about all that we have. Instead it’s so easy to worry or think about what we don’t have. We’re all a work in progress. I’m glad you two are so happy together!
I love the way you found a way to shift those negative thoughts to positive ones! Keep it up!
Katie @ Live Half Full recently posted..Scenes from the Weekend
Thanks, Katie! I’m guessing you struggle with these new mom thoughts too.
Beautiful post! Have you read One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp? It’s all about the gratitude you described.
Today I’m grateful for my hard working husband, beautiful babies, and fulfilling work. Thanks for sharing your heart!
Emily recently posted..my story
Thanks, Emily! I’m going to check out that book.
I think that something that you have to remember as to why you are so keyed up about something happening is that you DID go through so much to get your little girl–it is only natural that you would have anxiety about something happening to her. Compound that with the natural anxiety of being a mom… and well, you have a recipe for disaster. You are right to focus on gratitude, but you might need to check in with someone (a professional) if it continues. xoxoxo
Susie @ SuzLyfe recently posted..Update: Dealing with Spinal Injury
Totally agree! I did see a therapist when I was younger and I would definitely do it again if my thoughts get out of control. xoxoxo
This is such a great post, Sara, and the way your handle those thoughts is perfect. I get anxious about things like that too, but I try to remind myself that feeling anxious doesn’t help, but thinking of all those good things does!
Alexandra recently posted..How to Win at Gift Giving This Year
Yes, it doesn’t help. It just ruins the present moment. I remind myself of that often. Thanks, Alex!
I think as a mom you can’t help but NOT have obsessive thoughts! I have a 6 year old and 9 month old and I have them too… but then I just think about how amazing they are. My husband struggles with the clutter and keeping things clean. When you have kids keeping order is SOO hard but a messy house is often a part of kids… kids come with STUFF…I just think about all the memories we are making with this stuff and in our house and at the end of the day playing and being together is what matters most.
Laura@ Fit Running Mama recently posted..Day in the life: WIAW
That’s a good thing to remember… we are making memories. We don’t have too much stuff yet because she doesn’t play with toys, but I’m guessing that will change soon.
Yes! I struggle too. I actually went to my doctor this week because I feel like these thoughts are keeping me from enjoying my baby the way that I should. The good thing is, it’s a very common and treatable problem!
Emily @ Perfection Isn’t Happy recently posted..Currently (November 2015)
I’m so glad I’m not the only one. I think I’m going to talk to my doctor too.
This is a great post. I try (and occasionally succeed) to use the gratitude approach to turn around a negative mood. In one of Gretchen Rubin’s “Happiness Project” book she makes a good point that you can make an argument for anything. Like if I’m irritated at my husband, I can make the argument that he’s lame because of this and that. But if I try instead to make the argument that he’s great… Suddenly I can come up with a dozen reasons why that’s true, and he seems like a pretty decent guy after all. 🙂
Kelly @ Noodle to the Rescue recently posted..Weekend [Nov 14-15, 2015]
I love that strategy and it totally makes sense. I’m going to try to find the good in clutter and a messy house. Lol
I can relate to this so much. I think it’s very normal for new moms to have these thoughts – not that it makes it any better, though. I am very fearful of SIDs still, even though Claire is older than 6 months now (I think the SIDs rate drops a lot at 6 months and once they can roll). If she ever sleeps longer than 3 hours at a time, I get SO worried and go in and check on her. It seems like any normal situation now has terrible thoughts racing through my mind about what could go wrong!
I agree that being thankful for what you do have – a healthy baby – makes a huge difference. We can’t control what will happen and don’t even know what will happen, so it’s pointless to keep ourselves up at night worrying!
Melissa @ Freeing Imperfections recently posted..How Traveling with my Baby Renewed my Faith in Humanity
Yes! I believe worrying ruins the present moment. I keep trying to remind myself to be thankful that nothing bad has happened and there’s no reason to ruin this beautiful time with my baby worrying and obsessing all the time. I hope it gets a little better when she’s older.
Such a genuine post! I think we all worry and obsess over things from time to time… particularly those things that are extremely important to us. I have a similar story in that I always worry about going up and down stairs while holding Axel. I get these images in my head of me tripping or falling… to the point where I take each step slowly one by one. I know the odds of me falling are rare, but still…
Kristen @ Glitter and Dust recently posted..A State of Preparation
OMG Kristen, I have this exact same image! Especially with my husband going down the stairs with Allie. It makes me want to live in a ranch and never let anyone carry her down the stairs. I’m trying to let it go, but it’s hard when the image keeps popping into my head.
This is a great post. I have definitely had these thoughts and read that it is very normal. I knew about this before Mary was born because a friend of mine ending up having to go to a clinic after her baby was born for “intrusive thoughts.” These are similar to our normal obsessive thoughts but she couldn’t shake them. I am a neat freak and I couldn’t believe how easily this house would get messy right after the baby was born. And when she wouldn’t stop crying and constantly needed to be held I felt like I was getting nothing done. People are right though, it definitely gets better!
Sarah Dudek recently posted..A Festive Holiday Cocktail: Apple Cider Margaritas
I hope it gets better for both of us. I’m nervous about Christmas. I hate STUFF being around and I know she’s going to get a ton of toys. Of course I want her to have toys but I don’t want them to take over the house.
What’s up colleagues, good article and pleasant urging commented here, I am actually enjoying by these.
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